Dear Abby: My long-distance boyfriend doesn’t want me to visit – I feel like a “sidekick”

Dear ABBY: A year ago, I took a wonderful man on a cruise. We hit it off wonderfully, and since we live 1,000 miles apart, we stay in touch mostly by phone – talking and video chatting.

He has come to visit me four times in the past year and we have taken two trips together. He has met my friends and neighbors and talked to my family on the phone (they live in a different state than I do). He says he loves me and that I am the woman he has been looking for all his life.

The problem is that I have never been invited to visit. When I asked him why, he told me that his daughters, who are in their 20s and live at home, and his siblings are against his relationship and want him to get back together with his ex. . (He has been divorced for three years.)

This is quite disturbing, but I have never spoken to any of his friends on the phone.

Something smells fishy. He feels like I’m nothing more than a “side piece”, or maybe he’s ashamed of me and doesn’t want me to meet or talk to anyone he knows. Or maybe he’s not divorced after all.

I don’t want to waste precious time on something that won’t go anywhere. Are my expectations too high, or am I an idiot for letting this go on as long as I have? – FEELING TAKEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR RECEIPT: I don’t blame you for being worried. If, after a year of being “courted”, you still haven’t met the friends or family of this wonderful man, something is wrong.

Either the man is spineless, or he hasn’t been open with you about his circumstances.

If you can’t convince him to stand up for himself and make it clear to his relatives that he’s moved on from the divorce – AND you can control your emotions – make a surprise visit.

If he’s attracted to you, he deserves to be open.

Dear ABBY: I grew up poor. Because of this, I have spoiled my daughter rotten. I gave her everything but it backfired.

When she turned 16, my husband and I bought her a brand new $70,000 BMW. I told her that I didn’t want my daughter to be without anything like me.

She didn’t want the $70,000 BMW; she wanted $100,000. My husband said it was beyond his budget.

When my daughter got her car, she was not happy. She kicked the car and hit it because it wasn’t what she wanted.

My husband took it to a body shop and paid to have it fixed. She says when she gets out of the auto shop she’s going to kick him again and then it’s even worse.

I know what you think I should do. But if I take it away and deny it, she will drop out of college and her life will be ruined.

I know I am 100% wrong. I just need help, and I hope you will have an answer that is different from everyone else. Please help me with another suggestion. – IN MY WAY

DEAR BY: With pleasure! When your ungrateful daughter again damages the car you so generously gave her, so don’t fix it.

Instead, let him deal with it “as it is” and let him experience the consequences of what he has done.

If you do, you’ll be giving her a gift far more valuable than the price of the vehicle. Better late than never.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.